Car Talk With My Wife (Komal)

Komal:

How do you get all this wealth… in terms of mental wealth, and purpose and the fact that you want to give and help other people and give back to your community, but at the same time pair that up with actual financial wealth because without that financial wealth you may not be able to help other people because you’re too busy helping yourself and trying to improve yourself, and you know….

Trishul:

Yea you’re too stressed and focussed on yourself. So that’s the old fashioned advice “charity starts at home” You can’t look after someone else, you can’t buy a cup of coffee for someone who is homeless if you are not able to look after yourself and feed yourself first. You have to get it the right way round. But then it’s also getting the balance to get to the tipping point.

There’s a point where you are “sorted” and most people don’t objectively calculate that or objectively put in a strategy to then create that, which then creates stress. So for example how we are going from point A to point B in this car, most people don’t have that clear goal in their mind about where they want to go in life. They also don’t have a strong enough why. So we know where we are going right now, and why we are going there. Similarly in life you need to know where you are going and why you want to go there with regards to your life goals.

If you don’t do that, then from a mental health point of view it can increase the risk of being dangerous because then you start looking at other people you deem to be successful.

Komal:

Yea there’s that as well.


But when you are look at your 5 or 10 year plan of where you want to be, that’s when it can get overwhelming sometimes because you start “catastrophising” certain things. Like if something goes wrong you could be like that’s going to have a knock on affect to that, so no one is going to love me, and no one is going to this or that, so then you risk going into overdrive and start over analysing everything.

So I think if you can even take very small steps into not just thinking about your massive goal, but thinking about little things you can do then you can maybe overcome that overwhelm better.

Trishul:

Yea so it’s like anything. You can break down any big, large, scary goal and chunk it down into smaller bitesize pieces. So take that 5 year goal and break it down into a yearly goal, then also break it down to monthly goals, and weekly then daily goals.

Then you simply put that into your calendar and schedule, including a regular check in to ensure that you are still going in the direction you initially set out to go in. How often you check in depends on you and your comfort levels. For some it may be once a week, for others once a month or quarter.

Komal:

So how do you do all that at the same time as living life and living in the moment?

Trishul:

What’s the difference?

Komal:

Because I think sometimes when I am focussed on something, I don’t tend to enjoy the process of it, and I am just thinking “ok, I need to get this done”.

Trishul:

That’s just gratitude and being grateful for that circumstance and opportunity. Being grateful for having the luxury to be able to sit and ponder, create, rather than wonder where you are going to get clean water from today that may or may not kill you or your family.

I know I am going really basic and we can think about how far we have come in the modern world where we get to simply turn a tap to get fresh, clean water but just being grateful, even for this road we’re driving down that I didn’t need to make, or this car that I didn’t need to invent. Not everyone has had that luxury, and I don’t just mean right now in this moment, but in different time periods (like my Dad always says “time is the 4th dimension”). The fact that I am alive and existing in this moment is something that I am very grateful for.

I have thought a lot about this over my lifetime and what if I had been born to different parents, and I am so grateful that I wasn’t because I know from the circumstances in which I have been born in gives me the opportunity and the duty (dharma) to make better life for everyone else and that’s a whole other place. So you have to think about if from that point of view.

And it amazes me how little work you need to do to get yourself sorted, then you have so much abundance with which you can help others. People are very good at making simple things complicated, partly because of fear of failure, partly because of procrastination and because of judgement. I used to greatly fear judgement, and it was only when I stripped myself off of that fear that my life exploded in crazy amounts of abundance.

You just need to help people. From as simple os holding a door open for someone. It’s so easy to be a good human. And you don’t need to monetise everything.

One of the best feelings I have had recently was this time I was rushing in the supermarket to grab some lunch. The tills were really busy. I had just one item and the person in front of me had their weekly shop of over 20 items. The simple act of them offering for me to go ahead made my day. And they had no financial gain to achieve from that interaction. It’s just about being a good human.

Komal:
It comes down to gratitude basically.

Trishul:

People have got lost in the glitz of how to monetise everything. You don’t have to make money from every problem that you solve. Just help people, that’s it. It’s really that basic. Some people have just forgotten how to be human.

Komal:

Well it’s because you are looking for your next fix. There’s always something else out there.

Trishul:

That was my mic drop moment – over and out!

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